For the few Moms that will read this, let me first say "Happy Mother's Day"! Being a Mom is one of the hardest jobs on the planet and we should celebrate our luck everyday, not just because a date on a calendar tells us to.
Mother's Day is a bitter-sweet day for me. I love the homemade cards& gifts that my children make for me,the fact that my daughter tries really hard to get along with everyone, & the extra hugs from my 13 yr old son are always an added bonus! I love my children with everything that I have, and I know they love me deeply as well. I am honored to be their Mom, even if Mother's Day is a hard day for me.
On Mother's Day it never fails, I will end up crying. Not the happy, I am so touched by your thoughtfulness tears, but tears of sadness and pain. See I lost my Mom 12 years ago. She was my foundation, my rock, my best friend. She always knew what would make me laugh if I was sad, she would hold me if I was scared, she would help my body heal if I was sick. If I needed a good swift kick in the rear, she would do that was well, (actually she was a master when it came to wooden spoons ;) lol My Mom meant everything to me and more, and there is such a big hole in my heart because of her loss, that I honestly don't know if it will ever heal. It's almost as if the wound gets scabbed over and then something happens and the scab gets ripped off and the pain is just as raw as the 1st day I woke up without her. People say things like "It gets easier with time", or "I can't even imagine what I would do without my Mom." Well let me tell you, it SUCKS big time, and while I don't cry everyday, not a day goes by that I don't wish I could call her just to hear her voice, ask her advice about something, or pitch a fit about last nights hockey game and how blind the refs are.
The child in me feels lonely and lost, like the time when you wander off from Mom to play in the clothes rack or check out the candy aisle in a big store, only to realize when you go back to see her she has moved elsewhere and you have no idea which way to go. The adult in me tells me to grow up because everyone loses someone at some point in their life. On Mother's Day, I am always at a cross road, not knowing which way to feel.
I pray that my Mom is in Heaven and someday I will get to look into those beautiful blue eyes. I tell my children that Grandma Maggie is their guardian angel, watching over them and smiling as she sees the incredible & amazing kids they have become. I know she would be proud of both of them, and her refridgerator would be filled with their art work and copies of their report cards.
I have dear friends who have recently lost their Moms and to them I would like to say this:
This is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through in my adult life. I know my Mom is no longer in pain, and that makes me thankful, but I am still saddened at what we have missed out on by her leaving us so soon. It hurts my heart when I think of my Moms grandchildren who won't have the chance to see for themselves, what a cool Grandma she would have been. I'm listening to my children playing with their friends and I realize that my Mom does live on. It's in Hannah's laugh & Ty's gorgeous blue eyes & I do get to talk to her everyday, when I am talking to God, I know my Mom is listening.
I pray that the burden of sadness is lifted soon for you. Grief, sadness, guilt and anger are some of the heaviest burdens we can carry. I pray that your load is lifted, as I pray my troubled heart is calmed by the thought of my Mom standing next to Jesus, saying "Look at my daughter and her children. Aren't they awesome?"
Happy Mothers Day Margaret Corrine Robertson Long. You were an amazing Mom, and I am grateful that God took one look at me and said to himself "I have the perfect Mom for a little spitfire like you".
I love you,
Kate
No comments:
Post a Comment